Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
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3:43 pm - The wretched
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Please don't let this one be. If the dates don't work out I'll never let myself get over this.
I can't miss out on another chance to see them.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: NIN
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(1 bite mark | bite me)
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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
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5:45 pm - Other than a couch...
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Don't really know the point of keeping this old thig anymore. I never update it. anyways, been feeling kinda strange lately. I'm not really quite sure why. but that's ok. I'm starting school on Tuesday. Not really looking forward to it. at all. hopefully i can get a car soon. this no-car-business is really starting to piss me off a bit. but that's the shitty hand I've been dealt, so I gotta deal with it, cuz I'm poor as fuck. ok, that's all.
enjoy you bastards.
current mood:  silly
current music: danzig
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(3 bite marks | bite me)
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Saturday, December 18th, 2004
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5:56 pm
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Monday, December 6th, 2004
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11:52 pm
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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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4:15 pm - Nice.
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Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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5:48 pm
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Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
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6:07 pm
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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
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1:26 am - Ha ha ha...
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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
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7:39 pm - end.
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Thursday, May 22nd, 2003
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10:28 am - He's bloated and frozen
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Well, here I am in school. I got here so late that I just decided not to sign in. There really doesn't seem to be a point in signing in for such a short period of time just to have my 6th hour teacher get pissed off at me. I really don't know what the fuck to do this weekend. Almost all of my friends I hang out with everyday are going to Canada. Damn you alcoholics!! Yeah, I wish I could go...
Last night's bowling was fun. I was so fucking drunk. It was definately an enjoyable experience.
I gotta buy a season pass to Cedar point soon. I can't wait for the summer. I have this vision of being there all the time...
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(2 bite marks | bite me)
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Monday, May 19th, 2003
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9:33 am - You never thought to question why.
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Sometimes letting out emotion is good.
Leaving the wound open.
Feeling the pain.
Knowing you're alive.
It's beautiful.
Happy Birthday Morgan.
Drink one for me:)
For every beginning there is an end.
For every end there is a beginning.
But where does the in-between fit in?
I keep asking myself this question.
Constantly...
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(bite me)
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Saturday, May 10th, 2003
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2:55 pm - Leave me to myself
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Well, hasn't life been interesting lately?
Everything just changes so fucking fast that I feel as if I can't even get a grip on reality.
"You know, I'm not sure there is much of a reality.
Isn't much of our lives an illusion?"
"How's that?"
"Well, everything in the past is a memory, right?"
"True."
"And everything in the future is imagination.
Those're both illusions-memories are unreliable and we just speculate about the future.
The only thing that's completely real is this one instant of the present-and that's constantly changing from imagination to a memory.
So, see?
Most of our life's illusory."
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Beatsteaks
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(3 bite marks | bite me)
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Monday, February 10th, 2003
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12:07 am - It will all be better someday...
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Seems like some shit bothers the fuck outta me. I try so hard to hide it, but everyone knows. I guess I suck royally at trying to do that. I might as well accept it from now on. Numb, like Sarah said. Numb is the only way I can do anything about it. Seems like a plan to me.
God damnit.
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(2 bite marks | bite me)
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Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
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12:21 pm - Impression
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This façade that seems to dissolve into a blur of color and texture. Sometimes that’s what it feels like. As the world turns, nothing here seems to be turning on any axis. Everything just sort of merges together in a form inexperienced to myself. I sometimes feel as if the toxins of this world are polluting my lungs; leaving this bitter blackened tar along the edges of my tissue.
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(bite me)
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Monday, February 3rd, 2003
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12:06 pm - Change. is. inevitable.
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Reason? What is the reason for it? Behind everything that you do in this life, there is a reason behind it, and a meaning for everything. I’ve come to realize this in more ways than one. Cause and effect. It’s an ongoing cycle that never ceases to amaze me.
Walking through the office I see a long lost friend of mine that I haven’t seen in over a year. I was surprised, and happy that she was back. I missed her so much, yet…She wasn’t the same person anymore. Talking to her made me feel like I was stupid. Nothing I had to say to her interested her in the slightest bit, and made me feel incompetent. I miss the old friend I once had.
I know the old ways she lived by weren’t exactly the most brilliant, but the way that she was. I miss her. I miss the way that she acted. I feel like I’ve lost someone. And I know that there’s nothing that I can do about it.
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(3 bite marks | bite me)
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Thursday, January 30th, 2003
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2:56 pm - Nothing
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She looks down both halls. Left, then right. No one seems to be anywhere in sight. she slowly walks up the stairs, and around the winding corridor. The corner of her eye catches someone following her. Is this paranoia? She hears her adherent tracing her exact steps.
Walk faster she tells herself. Walk faster. Her pace quickens as she reaches out for the door handle. 2...4...1... The code so fresh in her head. She presses the buttons and watches with ease as the green light brightens. Clink. The door unlocks. She opens the door, her pace hastening.
Humming fills the room she's just entered into. The projection booths spurt out rays of color and light, as the films they propel outward are watched below. Halfway across the room she turns her body around to note her intruder opening the door. He's hidden from view, as to the large metal crates blocking the bottom half of the doorway.
She comes to a dull white door, not fully closed. Pushing it open with her hip, light floods out into the darkness surrounding her. The walls are marked with words, and phrases, alongside drawings and swear words. Half-smoked cigarettes litter the floor, covered in ashes. The floors are stained charcoal grey from the large amount of cigarettes that were put out on them. And the smell: the stale smell of smoke.
She quickly reaches into her pocket pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She takes one out and presses it between her lips, reaching with her other hand for her lighter. Snapping the Zippo between her thumb, pointer, and middle finger, it flips open. She flicks it, as flame pours out of the small piece of metal. Moving it closer to her mouth, she lights the cigarette, inhaling smoke into her lungs. Exhaling, she snaps the purple, pink, and green lighter shut with her wrist.
"It's all in the wrist," she recalls telling her friend earlier. How clumsy she was at shutting it. She always tried, yet was unsuccessful.
All the sudden the white door fly's open. It is her intruder. His black spiky hair points in every which-way, and he looks at her. She notes his black undershirt slightly rolled up underneath his maroon work shirt, tucked in so perfectly. He smiles at her, looking straight into her eyes. She looks up at him, smiling back, not knowing exactly what to say.
"What time do we have to be back at?" she asks him quickly, searching for something to start a conversation.
"In the next five minutes would be my guess," he replies still looking straight into her eyes. He only turns away for a moment to wave smoke out of his eyes with his left hand.
Both of them staring at each other, searching for something to say, yet unable to. Should she say something to him? Should she move closer to him? Perhaps...No. She won't.
Stare. Gray eyes looking into hers, yet...nothing. Just a stare.
Will it ever amount to something else? Perhaps. But perhaps all it will ever be is nothing.
current mood:  curious
current music: Radiohead
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(4 bite marks | bite me)
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Monday, January 27th, 2003
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2:59 pm - How do they find this shit out?
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Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
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4:48 pm
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Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
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2:54 pm - All too familiar...
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Friday, October 11th, 2002
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5:29 pm - Oh really...
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underinfluences's journal
naughty
